Our Morning Routine

Most mornings when we head out for work, we will stop at the local convenience store so Paul can get a cup of coffee with the flavored stuff in it. I usually just wait in the car, practicing my texting skills .. which are kinda lame. But one day I decided to have a fresh cup of joe myself, so I followed Paul into the store. I got my coffee and started toward the front, where Paul was next in line for the cashier. All of a sudden I hear the girl behind the counter squeal with glee – ‘My favorite customer!’ she gushed, bouncing up and down and clapping her hands … because My Husband Paul had stepped up to the counter! I looked at him, he glanced at me and turned pink. The lady kept laughing and talking, then started dancing because she is ‘so happy to SEE’ My Husband Paul..
I walked up beside him as he was taking cash out of his wallet. ‘Your money is no good here!’ she said, with her lips all pouty. I placed my coffee next to his … she rang mine up. I looked at him – his face was a deep red, and he was sputtering like an outboard motor. ‘Aackkg!’ he managed to gasp as she made change for his five. He held out his punch card, which she snatched playfully from his trembling hand. ‘It’s free punch Tuesday!’ she beamed, and then punched his card 7 or 8 times and she winked and smiled. If I had been Supergirl, there would have been 2 laser beam, smoking holes in Paul’s temple from my stare. His face was beyond purple as he crammed the punch card in his wallet and fled the store. I calmly followed him out, while the girl leaned over the counter, waving goodbye at My Husband Paul.
To be fair, he is the kind of guy who does not realize what a catch he is, so while we continued the drive to work, I explained, gently and clearly, why I would hope to NEVER have to witness a cashier flirting so openly with My Husband Paul again. He immediately assured me that I would not be put in such a position in the future.
.. now he gets his coffee AFTER he drops me off..

things you can do just for laughs

1.Every time someone asks you to do something, say ‘You want fries with that?’
2.Finish all your sentences with ‘in accordance with the Prophecy.’
3.Order a diet water when you dine out.
4.Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name ‘Rock Bottom’.
5.Tell the drive through lady that your order is ‘to go’.
6.Tell your kids over dinner, ‘Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.’
7.When your cash comes out of the ATM yell, ‘I won! I won!’

Things Paul does that make me smile

• He sings love songs to me everyday
• When we drive by the waste treatment plant he always sniffs and yells ‘Alex!’
• He blushes when store clerks flirt with him
• When he takes a wrong turn he acts like he is just trying out a new route
• He still dances like he did in the 60’s
• He wrestles on the floor with the toddlers and lets them win
• He wrestles with the teenage boys and they don’t win
• He tells corny jokes and uses funny voices
• He runs to the bathroom when he needs to break wind – sometimes
• He gets excited trying to guess the value of stuff on Antiques Roadshow
• He loves ‘chick flicks’
• He likes to hold babies, and they always fall asleep on his shoulder
• He will wake me up early to sneak out for breakfast at the all night diner
• He is the worst liar ever, so he doesn’t even try to do it
• He is the best Grandfather any child could ever hope to have
• He thanks God for us all every night in his prayers
• And he thinks he is the luckiest man alive because he is married to me!

the Baby

Day care called.. again. About Kyeli .. again. The Little Darling already has a rap sheet a mile long! She is smart and funny and cute as a button, but she is into EVERYTHING! Last night we went to big brother Zac's first ever football game. The team colors are black and orange, so we looked like a pumpkin patch. We had even found little pom poms for her to use to cheer her brother on! I packed food, blankets, snacks, toys, scotch - everything I could think of to get us through the game. We weren't there 15 minutes until the snacks were gone, the water was poured out all over the bleachers, and Kyeli had gone head over heals twice in the stands! So much for cheering big brother on - we were just trying to keep Kyeli from breaking windshields in the parking lot with the BLEEPING high pitched scream she uses when she doesn't get what she wants. She could not have cared less about what was going on, on the field: she wanted to steal food from the people behing us and then she came up with a big wad of rock hard, already-been-chewed gum from under something... cripes!! OMG, she was a pill! Finally her Papa arrived, who was running a little late. 'Thank God!' I gasped as I was pulling her away from the railing that she was licking. Paul took one look at the scene: wet, sticky, food bits everywhere, wet blankets, water bottles strewn, toddler with orange pony tail screeching like a banshee while 4 adults try to wrestle her to the ground to get that gum away - and he just kept on walking. Later he said he didn't see us. How could he not notice me holding onto his leg while he climbed 14 sections up??
Good thing I brought the scotch!