The Landlord

It was time to drop off the rent check. Our landlords are nice folks, but evidently they live a secluded life. When we go to drop off the check for the monthly stipend, they will physically pull me in the house and make me stay a while. These are not elderly people, just … very glad to see us, I guess. As soon as I press the door bell, they will both jump for the door, knocking over stuff in their haste to greet me. And it does not matter what they are in the middle of, answering the door is the priority! They have answered the door half dressed, half asleep, and with food dripping off their chins. Their doorbell might as well be the starting gun at the race track, ‘cause They’re Off! And they both talk, at the same time, different subjects - AND they stand at the door to watch me get in the car and drive away. It kind of gives me the creeps. I am not sure why, but it does. I can feel them watching me as I drive down the little lane they live on until I round the curve out of sight. It’s not that they are smiling and waving, they are just … watching. So I usually have Paul drive me over there, and then after a couple of minutes I say ‘well, Paul is waiting in the car, so I’d better get going (insert big smile here)!’ and then they both walk me to the door and they watch me walk over and get in the car. Yesterday was no exception; I ran the check up to the door & Mr. Landlord appeared as if he had sprung up out of a trap door. The Missus was nowhere in sight. He had brown, gooey looking stuff on his chin and no shirt on .. and he is the kind of guy who should definitely wear a shirt.. He reached to pull me in the house, but just then his phone rang, so he was trying to grab my arm with one hand and stretch backwards to grab the phone with the other, all the while talking a mile a minute. I pushed the check in his hand and said ‘Paul is waiting (big smile)!’ and walked quickly over to the passenger side of the car. He picked up the phone, and was speaking into it while I reached for the handle – which would not budge! Paul had locked the BLEEPING door! I couldn’t believe it, I let go, and the lock popped up, so I grabbed the handle again – but not fast enough, he locked it again!! I was stifling the urge to claw at the window, trying to appear calm and NOT to start yelling, and all the while Mr. Landlord was watching, his eyes getting narrower as I just stood by the car, the brown stuff still oozing down his chin. When Paul realized my nails were leaving marks on the paint, he unlocked it. I casually got in and we pulled away. As soon as we were out of sight he started laughing like a hyena ‘You should have seen the look on your face!’ He was almost crying, pounding on the steering wheel and slapping his knee. Such a funny, funny man! Sure pulled a good one on me, didn’t he! Ha ha!
Wonder if it will still be funny when I pick him up in front of his office this afternoon … in the rain ..