The Disadvantage

When I was in High School, they still used corporal punishment (aka they would beat your @$$). Girls never got spanked, but the threat was always there: everyone could see the HUGE paddle the Principal had leaned up in the corner, wooden handle shiny from years of use. Occasionally there would be a girl that was so ornery and stubborn that the paddle would be brought out, just as a show of force. I was that girl. I was a straight A student, and would even do extra credit and have A+’s, but I was always just on the cusp of disaster as far as behavior went. Talk about the wrong place at the wrong time – but on a weekly basis. And I had this huge disadvantage – whenever I am nervous or scared, I couldn’t stop laughing. I can be staring straight into the gaping Maw of Death and I will be laughing like a Hyena! I can’t help it, I can’t stop it, and to this day it causes me grief! Me and my Cohorts would be caught red-handed, and we would be marched to the Principal’s office. He had 3 or 4 old wooden straight-backed chairs, and we would be lined up, staring at the closed door, awaiting our doom. My ‘friends’ would wait until the door started to open and then suddenly they would turn on the waterworks, sobbing and covering their angelic faces, pointing trembling fingers at me, while I howled with laughter. I can still hear the Principal:
‘Oh, so you think this is funny? You think this is FUNNY!? I am going to call your Mama – she will tan your hide when she hears about THIS! We’ll see how funny it is then!’
No one every believed that I could not control it, and no one ever believed my protestations of innocence. And time has not changed it. We will be in a classy restaurant, waiting to be seated, and someone will sniff, then start looking around and whisper loudly ‘what is that smell?’… all I gotta do is be quiet and act like nonchalant, but guess what –
‘HahahaHooohaaaahah!’